Nearly 55% of U.S. adults do not have an estate plan in place, and when no clear plan exists, probate can consume 3–7% of an estate’s value and stretch on for months or even years. Even more striking, 58% of families without an estate plan report disputes or conflicts after a loved one’s passing. The numbers are real — and so are the emotions behind them.
The holidays are one of the rare times when multiple generations gather under one roof. Between shared meals, familiar traditions, and stories that resurface year after year, these moments naturally strengthen family connections. Amid this warmth, there’s also space to talk about the future — gently, thoughtfully, and without turning the holiday into a formal meeting.
Why Estate Planning Belongs in Family Conversations
Estate planning is not just for the wealthy or the elderly. It is about:
Control:
Choosing who will manage your financial and medical decisions if you cannot.
Clarity:
Ensuring loved ones are not left guessing about your wishes.
Care:
Protecting minor children, adult dependents, or pets with guardianship plans.
Efficiency:
Avoiding unnecessary probate costs, taxes, and delays.
Legacy:
Passing down stories, values, and traditions — not just assets.
These conversations matter because they prevent confusion, reduce emotional stress, and help families operate from a place of understanding rather than uncertainty.
Questions Adult Children Can Ask Their Parents
When parents become older, adult children often step into supportive roles. Asking questions early can reduce future heartache and confusion. A quiet walk, a moment doing dishes together, or a relaxed afternoon chat can make these topics feel more natural.
Here are helpful, compassionate questions adult children can ask:
Do you have an up-to-date will or trust in place?
Who have you chosen to make financial and medical decisions if you’re unable to?
Have you shared your wishes for medical care and end-of-life planning?
If something happened tomorrow, would we know where to find your important documents and accounts?
Are there heirlooms or traditions you’d like us to know the stories behind?
Do you feel confident that the people you’ve chosen to handle your affairs are still the right ones?
Questions Parents Can Ask Their Adult Children
Parents often want to make sure their children feel prepared — not overwhelmed. Raising these questions can help adult children think proactively and ensure family values are passed on intentionally.
Do you know where to find my important documents in case of an emergency?
Have you considered creating your own will or an estate plan?
If you received an inheritance tomorrow, would you know what to do with it — or who to turn to for help?
Are there family keepsakes or traditions you’d be heartbroken not to have carried forward?
If you had to step in to help us — financially or medically — what support would you need?
How to Bring Up These Conversations
The holidays should remain joyful, not stressful. These discussions do not need to happen at the dinner table or in front of the whole family. Instead, choose moments that feel natural — a quiet walk, morning coffee, or time spent prepping a meal together. The goal is not to finalize decisions, but simply to open the door to ongoing conversations.
A Gift of Clarity and Love
Estate planning is ultimately an act of love — a way to remove future burdens, reduce conflict, and ensure your wishes are honored. Beginning the conversation now, even briefly, can give your family peace of mind and strengthen the bonds that already mean so much.
If you are not sure where to start, or if you would like guidance on how to navigate these discussions, consider connecting with a trusted advisor who can help you take the first steps with clarity and confidence.